Today I share with you marriage lessons from preparing fufu.
Sometime last year, I had the privilege to attend a friend's wedding. It was a
simple but lovely event. The ceremony was blessed in Church and the reception
followed at a Guest House. It was there that I got the opportunity to learn
something new about marriage from one of the guest. Usually, African weddings
give room during the reception for the audience to share a word of advice which
the newlyweds will need to enhance their marriage. When the opportunity came,
one woman stood up and begun to use a
very interesting analogy to advise the couple and everyone present on marriage.
She had chosen fufu. She drew our
attention to the process involved in preparing fufu and how we can grasp
certain lessons from it and apply to make marriage work. At first I was really
not convinced that we were going to get anything much from this woman since I could
establish no connection between the preparation of fufu and the art of
marriage. Well, guess what? She wowed me. In the end, I was surprised at what I
learnt. Later on, I was further inspired to get a much more deeper
understanding on marriage when I continued to ponder over the analogy. And
every day the more I think about it, the more I have learn to gather further lessons
on marriage from preparing fufu. I hope you get the same feeling or more and
the information here helps you build your marriage as you should.
The sight of fufu dripping with your favourite soup is
enough to make any fufu lover happy any day anytime. If it were left to just
the eating and no one had to think about the work involved in getting it done,
many households would want to have fufu everyday. But there is much work to be
done when it comes to it preparation, and this is what restrains many from
loving it too much. And so is the thought of marriage. How many would not want
to marry if all that marriage was about
is being happy as the bride and groom are
on the day they get married? The joy experienced on that day is soo great that
many will want it to be like that forever. Yet it rarely stays that way unless
much work is put into it to ensure it stays so. But for many couples, they erroneously
think marriage is meant to flow perfectly until they wake up to something a
little bit different from what they were expecting.
- Peeling of your cassava and plantain - The beginning of the marriage
Do you know that when
it comes to preparing fufu, the easiest part is to peel your plantain and
cassava and put it on fire for it to cook? And do you also know that it is the
same with getting married? When you want to get married, basically, all you
need is the desire to marry, the person to go with and the money for your
marriage ceremony. Although it does not come easy for some people going through
with making this initial arrangement, it still almost counts as nothing compared
to what you have to go through to establish and make the actual marriage itself
work. Real marriage begins after the whole ceremony is over with. And that is what couples have to brace
themselves for. But how many do?
- Boiling your plantain and cassava - Getting down to working on your marriage
Now once your cassava and plantain is cooked, the woman
takes it off the fire and then brings the mortar and pestle out, she rinses them
well and add the water and whatever is needed before she invites a man to help
with the pounding. Traditionally, it has been the practice for a man to do the
pounding while a woman turns the fufu which forms in the mortar. Each has to
play his part well for the fufu to come out well. No one is better than the
other. Both of them are held responsible for the end results. How different is
this from two people as they work on their marriage? To produce the kind of
marriage you desire, a couple have to individually know and play their role
well once they come together in marriage. If any person fails to play his or
her part, it affects the entire marriage. Either the marriage becomes a burden
for only one person to carry or it comes to a standstill.
- Pounding- Collaboration and Companionship
It is a sight to behold, watching the rhythmic movement and
beat of the pestle going up and down as cassava and plantain is pounded into
bits. The man makes sure not to mash the hands of the woman along with the
cassava being pounded. The hands of the woman behind the mortar dart in and out
of the mortar with skill as she keeps
turning the cassava and plantain to keep it where it should be. As this is going
on, there is communication offered to cause those involved to change or maintain
what they are doing. The two involved collaborate
and cooperate with each other because they are both likely to enjoy the fruit
of their work if they do it well. Just
as collaboration is needed for success in pounding fufu, so is collaboration
important in making a marriage work. Although the woman could have handled
pounding by herself as well as the man if each wanted to, it will be a difficult
process. The two come together to make the workload easy for each other. From
this, we should know that marriage turns out right often when each partner
decide to play their part well knowing well that playing your part well will
only make your marital life happier and better.
- Getting hit and getting hurt - Forgiveness
Sometimes a woman gets hit when fufu is being pounded. This
is actually not planned or deliberate but once in awhile the pestle hits the
hand. The woman might get so angry about being hurt and release a stream of
insults or abuse or even cry. Some will stop working on the fufu all together
because of the hurt and pain. Sometimes too, a man might get tired of the food is a
lot or if he gets his palms bruised. When this happens, he may no longer want to continue with the pounding.
What happens then? Since what they desire have not yet been seen they have to
learn to let go and continue. It is also like that in marriage. You can be very
careful but end up getting hurt. And here is where each partner has to learn to
acceptance that although we don't plan to get hurt in marriage it can happen.
When it happens, couples should learn to forgive each other otherwise it will
be difficult for the marriage to continue.
- Dealing with the lumps- Tackling issues as they come and Adjusting where necessary
Sometimes, you will only find out that you did not actually
pick the best of cassava when cook the cassava. This means you will have a lot
of lumps to deal with. You will need to remove those lumps sometimes or push it
directly under the pestle to be pounded so the lumps will no longer exist. Other
times, you just have to ignore some lumps. Often it is the woman who does this.
Sometimes too the man pounding may notice the lumps and pause, and ask you to
take them out. When it comes to marriage, the same laws apply. To make marriage
work, you need to understand that the person you picked may not be as good as
you thought the person would be. The pressure
in marriage will bring out certain character traits and issues which are so unexpected.
This is likely to mar the beauty of the marriage if not handled appropriately.
Couples should be ready to discard anything that destroys the beauty of the
marriage they are in once you notice them. When a partner points
out the other's fault, it must be accepted with appreciation and dealt with
accordingly. If we do these, our marriage will survive every challenge we come
face to face with.
Let's understand that marriage requires wisdom, attention
and skill to handle all the issues that come. We must ready ourselves to face
the challenges the right way and work at sustaining our marriage all the time.
May God help us all. Marriage is an honorable thing. God bless you. Shalom!
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